Sayonara 2009

I am not the first to say this but I am GLAD to see this year end. This year was crazy for me in so many ways. While people were assuming they knew, they truly had NO idea.

The death toll this year was more than I could bear. By the end of October my failing health took a wrong turn. I'd been trying for a long time just to maintain myself but it all caught up to me.

There were so many petty things going on and petty people trying to get me down throughout the year but nothing bothered me until my uncle became ill. Soon after, my paternal grandmother passed away... and so on. It was crazy, hectic and confusing at times.

One thing I know I will take into 2010: Don't sweat the petty stuff. I never have and never will. Outside forces rarely bother me and I won't allow them to start.
My kids come first, then me. Everyone else falls in line. If it doesn't affect me or them...I ain't affected.

For the few who thought they would defeat me these past few years: Give up already. You only make yourself look as stupid as you truly must feel. Am I really worth all the trouble. I wasn't hurt then and I am not hurting now. Just get over me. Get your mind and life right. I forgive you. Forgive yourself.

Biggest thing I learned: Forgive myself. I am not the reason why others are unhappy, they are. And I cannot be expected to fix everyone's problems. It starts with them. If they wanna fix it, they will. Stop expecting me to do it for you.

Adios 2009! I am looking forward to a better year because I am going to MAKE a better year. 2010, look out. I am on my way!

The birthday blog

It was my intention to do the birthday blog yesterday as I do every year. Usually, I focus on the things I wish to change. This time the only thing I've changed is my mind. I'm content with who I am. If you are not, work on that. I have and I did.
I'm moving forward with or without whomever. I have nothing but high expectations of myself in everything I do. I will succeed. I will be happy and healthy this coming year. I will keep my priorities straight as needed. I recognize that my priorities may not be the same as others. If we are not on the same page, mine are mine. Do you.
My prime focus is my children's education. They will continue to exceed expectations, as will I.
I feel I am a year older, a year wiser. While other's are trying to remain stranded in the past (30 is the new 20) I'm steadily moving forward. At 34, I should not be making the choices I made at 24.
I feel good about myself, my accomplishments and my goals.
I shall will it all to be.

Curious

I can live without money, but I cannot live without love.
Judy Garland

I fell off the wagon

I know. I am such a LOSER for that. In my defense...N/M. I cannot defend what I did. I walked to the store and purchased a Mountain Dew KNOWING the effects it has on me. I didn't even TRY to fight the urge. I couldn't imagine Thanksgiving dinner w/o the Dew even though I've never had Dew on Thanksgiving before. It makes no sense to me at all either.
I will do better. It is an everyday battle.
I will help myself break this horrible habit, right after I finish this bottle...
I know. I suck...Dew :(

Why gift giving is not a bad way to show love

Normally, I would agree for the sake of people who buy attention, friendship and love. But, I've come to another thought today. One that I haven't staggered upon for quite some time.

I understand the joy of receiving a well-thought gift or something you've wanted for quite some time but could never get for yourself.

I pose a question. If someone decides to buy a gift, are they buying YOU?

I think not. I believe a person can buy gifts that 1) show they are attentive to your wants, needs or desires 2) Exhibit how much they care and/or how much they mean to you and 3) send a message that they don't say with words everyday.

Nothing says "I love you" like a well-thought, well-intentioned gift.

Happy Holidays.

I feel lost today. I don't even know why. I have hopes, goals and dreams. I'm moving forward. Today, I think I took a pitstop. There will always be pitstops along the way. I'm hoping I can move along from this one speedily.

Some things can't be changed. Some things are out of our hands. I put my faith in The Most High and I will wait this out.

Chaos!

People like this make you frightened to leave your home.
From Yahoo News:

[CLEVELAND – More remains were discovered Tuesday at the Cleveland home of a convicted rapist, raising to 10 the number of bodies that have been found there, authorities said.

Four more bodies and a skull were found at the home, where the remains of six women were removed last week, said police Chief Michael McGrath. Fifty-year-old Anthony Sowell, who lives in the home, is in jail and was charged Tuesday with five counts of aggravated murder.

"It appears that this man had an insatiable appetite that he had to fill," McGrath said.

He said the additional bodies were found buried in the backyard of the home. The skull was found in a bucket in the basement.

Authorities do not know whether the skull belongs to an 11th victim, said police spokesman Lt. Thomas Stacho.

The search was to continue Wednesday, with fire department crews planning to search in the walls of the home, McGrath said.

Last week, investigators said they found one body in a shallow grave in the backyard. The rest were inside the house — one in the basement, two in the third-floor living room and two in an upstairs crawl space.

Police discovered the first six bodies Thursday and Friday after a woman reported being raped at Sowell's home, and Sowell also was charged Tuesday with rape, felonious assault and kidnapping related to her complaint.

Sowell is to be arraigned Wednesday, Stacho said.

The Cuyahoga County coroner is attempting to identify those women through DNA and dental records. All six were black, and five were strangled.

The bodies could have been there anywhere from weeks to months to years, said Powell Caesar, a spokesman for the coroner.

On Tuesday, detectives brought in cadaver dogs and digging equipment to scour the home and backyard, looking for evidence to connect Sowell to the bodies, Stacho said.

Police turned up nothing in a search of a quarter-mile swath of abandoned, boarded-up homes near Sowell's residence, which sits in a crowded inner-city neighborhood of mostly older houses.

They plan to scour another quarter-mile area Wednesday, McGrath said. He said Sowell did not have a car would have had to take a city bus to travel.

A crowd of about a hundred people milled about and chatted near the home Tuesday evening.

One of those in the crowd, Antoinnette Dudley, 29, lives a few houses away. She said she could smell a terrible odor like something was dead all summer. She said she saw Sowell only a few times, mainly drinking beer while he sat on his porch.

The discovery of more bodies Tuesday surprised Dudley. "I didn't think he was that sick," she said.

Sowell is a registered sex offender and required to check in regularly at the sheriff's office. Officers didn't have the right to enter his house, but they would stop by to make sure he was there. Their most recent visit was Sept. 22, just hours before the woman reported being raped.

For the past few years, Sowell's neighbors thought the foul smell enveloping their street corner had been coming from a brick building where workers churned out sausage and head cheese.

It got so bad that the owners of Ray's Sausage replaced their sewer line and grease traps.

City Councilman Zack Reed, whose mother lives a block from the area, said he called the city health department on more than one occasion.

"What happened from there, we don't know," he said. "It was no secret that there was a foul odor. We don't want to point fingers, but clearly something could have been done differently."

Reed said he and other community leaders want an investigation into whether police and health inspectors missed any signs that could have tipped them off to the bodies inside the house.]

I thought I was the only one!

I found this on yahoo today and it got me really thinking...

[Today, Wizards All-Star forward Caron Butler(notes), now blogging for NBA.com as "Agent Zero 2.0," dives deeper into the caffeinated murk of his addiction to the "neon-yellow rocket fuel" known as Mountain Dew:

I lost 11 pounds this summer by giving up Mountain Dew. That's right Mountain Dew. A lot of people don't know I'm a Mountain Dew addict so I guess this is my confession.

To try and give this up was crazy for me! I was going through withdrawals. I was in the bed sweating. My wife would turn over in the bed and ask "Are you OK?" Honestly, those first two weeks without The Dew [were] the roughest two weeks of my life. I'm talking headaches, sweats and everything. Before that I drank at least six 12-ounce Mountain Dews a day.

It was so bad at one point that I had to have a cold one right there at the night stand before I went to bed. I had to get the coasters and let it drip a lil' bit and just have it waiting on me. Come 2 a.m., I'd wake up out of my sleep, I'd pop one open and hear the fizz sound ... and just down it! Then I always had to have another one in the morning when I woke up. Before practice I had one too and before games I would knock back two.]

That being said, I recently asked my husband to help me ween myself from Mountain Dew. I noticed the extra "weight" it has added to my middle but also the sluggish feeling I get when there are no more.

I admit, it is my own fault. They had these new flavors and I just HAD to try them. At 3 for $.99 how could I resist? So, I spent the end of my summer and early fall, beckoning for anyone who would to pick me up those Mountain Dew sodas.

*SMH* As I look back, I feel horrible about it because I stopped drinking sodas long ago for this reason. I allowed the new flavors and the excellent price to entice me.

I am currently dealing with the withdrawal pangs but I know I need to get this monkey off my back.

Wish me luck!

Thinking back

...on time I can't rewind. I was thinking of my father. He passed some years back. It's a funny thing though, people tend to be misconceived about us. Someone recently said to me that I suffered as a child because I didn't have a father. That pissed me off for about a minute, and then I laughed.

My father and I were not close when I was young. It wasn't as though he lived far away either. He had a drug issue and chose not to allow me to see him that way. I used to resent him for that. I enjoyed the times we did spend together but honestly, I never lacked a father. My grandfather and uncle were always around and always available.

I grew up in an extended family home. I like to believe that is the reason we are such a close family today. There was never feelings of loneliness or lacking male role models. I had all of that at my disposal.

Back to my father though. Contrary to popular belief, my father and I were very close in my teenage years. I would run into him (on purpose) because I needed to understand him. I was not a dumb kid. I realized what was going on in his life and how he wanted to keep me safe. Never did I feel he was ashamed of me.

At some points, we would talk on the phone weekly. He would fuss at me about not calling him. His lady friend didn't wish us to be as close as we were. I found that sad and desperate on her behalf. It never stopped us though.

He became ill after I had my third child. He didn't want me to know, didn't want me to visit the hospital when the end was near.

When I attended his funeral, all heads turned. People snickered and pointed, many relatives. They had no idea who I was. I approached the family, leaned in and kissed my grandmother and aunt. They were so happy to see me.

I am sad to say he never met my youngest two children. He had been too ill for us to visit for far too long. But he had plenty of pictures.

He and I were close in our own way. No one else needed to understand. I loved him and he loved me.

Sigh

There are so many things I wanted to discuss here in the past few days but I just can't keep it all straight. As soon as I can compose my thoughts, I will get what I don't mind sharing down.
A few topics have nothing or very little to do with me and at least one ca be made into my issue. There is just too much going on at the moment.
I thought about naming a blog Toxic Parents but think I will offend more than a few. I'll get there though. This topic is very close to my heart. I just need to find a delicate balance as I do not wish to step on anyone or someone in particular's toes.
*sigh*
It will all come together or it will implode.

Open Letter

I hate to leave things on bad terms with people but sometimes....
I'm still learning to put "ME" first. I'm still learning that other people's feelings have to be put on the backburner when they put mine there. Some things need to be left in the past. Currently, I live for the present. But, if the present and the past tend to collide on ugly terms...it's time to make some things clear.

Anyway, I can understand if my friendship is not wanted. No problem. Let me know.
To me, that is the adult way of handling things. Let's not pretend to be back in high school playing childish games. I don't need anyone in my life who dooes not wish to be there. You have my permission to go, and quickly.
Thank you

Again, Again

I am starting over (again) I have been recast from my role. I was born to play this part but it seems that I am now having to audition for a new one. I am hesitant. I really don't want to do this. I know I must. Some roles need to change, some need to come to a close.

My character is being assassinated. I am searching for a new part to play. Hopefully, my skills and patience will allow me to land the role of a lifetime.
I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

Making changes

As I have been doing for so long. I still feel I have not reached my destination, my goal. I know not where exactly I need to be but I "feel" I'll know it when I get there. All this travelling has made me tired and weak at times. I must prosper or I fear I will never arrive.

I know not where I am headed but I keep moving. I know I'll get there. It is what I want and need with every fiber of my being. From all this changing will arise a butterfly? I'm not sure but I'll be glad to find out.

NOT so random thought

I never underestimate my opponent. Sooner or later, he/she will make clear whether they wish to go toe-to-toe or they are bluffing. Until then, I patiently wait.
And, wait, I am.

Got pranks?

Funny, funny, funny.
I have to laugh (again)
So much time and effort people put into trying to see me unhappy.
For every one of them, there are five people who bring nothing but joy into my life.
It's kinda painful to see so much despair the person or persons are dealing with within themselves. If they had more positive "things" in their lives, maybe they would let me be.
My people's say, "Let's just beat that ???" I just don't care enough to do so.
Some things really are beneath me. I'm beginning to think some PEOPLE are as well.
Such is life.

Even the elephants understand

As I was watching Babar, more like listening, I overheard the episode where Queen Celeste kidnapped King Babar just to spend time together. In the end, they confided in their children, they were not going to a convention. They planned a trip to ensure they would have private time together.

That made me think. It's funny, how many relationships fail because one or both refuse to put in the work to hold it together. I'm not saying a bad relationship is worth staying in, just everything takes work.

We maintenance our homes, our cars, why not our relationships? Are they less important?

I guess I'm thinking out loud.
These things have crossed my mind many times. I know the work it takes. I've put in the late hours and early mornings to ensure things work. I think I'm worth it.

Things we do...

...sometimes bite back.

I am realizing that I attract the type of persons I've always protected.
And I have potentially become like the ones who were decieved.
Karma can be cruel.

First week blues

Even the cat benefits :)

Our first week of schooling has passed and I am so exhausted. I feel emotionally bankrupt. There have been too many things coming into play too quickly. I just need some space to breathe. Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury, as I am the primary academic coach here. I just need to pull it together and focus on what needs to be done. If I can put everything else out of my mind, I'll be fine.

Anyways, homeschooling is the best. I can't wait until I can set everyone up in the dining room at the table. That was our plan for this school year. Currently, we have a pest issue. The nieghbors moved out and left their cat in the basement riddled with fleas. Terminix will rescue us really soon. Till then, we are maintaining by working upstairs. Ugh @ people sometimes but that really is another blog for another day.

TTFN

School is cool

Three days into the school year and I am tired but happy. I LIKE being a part of my children's learning. I enjoy doing lessons with them.

Today, our seventh grader had to do a powerpoint for homework. It was her first time so, of course, I wanted to learn the technology as well. Powerpoint is very simple. We enjoyed putting her presentation together. It would have taken less time if it hadn't kept crashing.

All in all, I am content with being back to school. I was very anxious on day one but teaching is like second nature to me, I thrive in this.

My body just needs to get back on schedule with this early morning lifestyle. LOL. I was nodding during some of our sessions. Luckily, cyberschooling creates independence in learners. Our 4th and 7th graders can do most of their work alone. Honestly, the 2nd grader probably could as well, but Mommy is not ready to let her grow up too soon. She's my baby!

Back to School in 5,4,3,2,

1!
Tomorrow is the first day back to school and I think I am more anxious than the kids. It's the synchronous math course that has me bothered. LOL. I liked the flexibility we had at making our own schedule these past two years. I am not a morning person, actually I have been. I used to work 7am to 3 pm shift. It burned me out. Since we've been homeschooling, I would sleep a little later, make breakfast and have lessons started around 10 am. That's doable.

This synchronous math course is at 8 am. That means I need to get up earlier to make a healthy breakfast so that she can think straight. Math hasn't been her strongest subject. She is doing much better now in this school though.

I am excited too. Two of my children will have the same teacher from last year. My youngest will have the same teacher for the past three years. I feel really good about that. She knows us pretty well. We all feel comfortable and that is very important for my baby.

All around, we will have a busy year. There will be a lot to get used to with my oldest but it should be great. The teachers at PAVCS are wonderful. I love cyber schooling. It is a great option for homeschooling parents. Some of us enjoy having the support the teachers and the school offer. I know I do. This will be an awesome school year!!!!

Woe is me

I am feeling so old all of a sudden. School starts back next week. Today I went to open house with my middle schooler. I have a middle schooler. She is in 7TH GRADE. Time is passing me by so quickly. She was my little baby not so long ago, or so it seems to me.

My youngest is turning 8 next month. 8. I'm not ready for her to grow up. I need her to continue being my little baby, at least for a little while longer.

I am gonna miss the days of them just being sweet little girls. They will be 8, 10 and 13 by the end of the schoolyear. That does not sound good to me. They are getting to the point where they will be taller than me, especially the 9 year old. She's outgrowing her 12 year old sister.

Time is leaving me behind, making my babies young ladies and making me old.

Ah well. As I've been saying for years, I don't get older, I get better. Hopefully, they will as well.

Get ya mind right!

I have to laugh at the effort some folks put into ruining a good thing. It's sad, really. There are folks who can't allow themselves to see others happy. It's too much to bear, even if they, themselves are claiming to be content.

To that I say, Leave me be. If you're not working with me, you're working against me. I don't need the unnecessary drama.

In the grand scheme of things, you only serve as a passing headache. At the end of the day, you're gone as if you never existed. You're meaningless and irrelevant, to me.

I try my best to treat everyone with love and hope that the people I meet in my travels have good intentions. More often than not, I find that I am wrong. That's okay though. Without the occasional stalker, wannabe and clone, I would never elevate to being a better me. Honestly, all the idiotic b.s. they try to pull only serves to make me stronger in my faith and in my love for myself and my family.

Silly them. They only make themselves look bad.

Life doth truly go on....

Sometimes, I wonder

To be honest, this whole Michael Vick controversy put some things into perspective. I'm not saying I agree with what he did, not at all. I do, however, deem people more important. I may be wrong but that's my thought.

So here's my issue. I spoke to a young lady who works for a business I frequent. I told her about an idea for the business to give back to the community and it's people. Don't get me wrong, I know some businesses don't care to give back but this place is always spouting about saving whales and the rainforest trees, etc. I thought, hey, why not give back to the homeless shelter within walking distance of the business and help out other human beings who currently can't help themsemves? My idea was not even going to come out of the stores profits.

My idea: Have a promotion for customers to bring an unwrapped school supply. Give a coupon/voucher or gift for customers who do so as well as spend an amount in the range of $20 - $30.

This business has promotions where they give free gifts with a $50 purchase regularly. I was just trying to add to that by offering them a chance to help PEOPLE as well as their other ventures.

I know I'm babbling. They liked the idea but were unwilling to use it. I'm not upset with the decision but I am a bit hurt. I hurt for the people who could have benefitted from the idea.

I listen to sports radio and I hear people saying how awful Mike Vick is for what he did to those dogs but no one makes a big deal of the senseless murders that have occurred. Maybe I'm not understanding. It seems that we are valuing our pets over our people. The man did his time, let him restart his life.

I tie these things in together because it makes sense to me that way. I know some won't understand. As I told my children, if our pet were injured or murdered, I would be very hurt. But if my children were injured or murdered, I would be devastated. That's just my feeling on all of this.

It really makes me wonder. Are animals and trees more important, less important or equally important than people? If equal, why do we eat them? Just my thoughts...

Another day...today.

Today has been just blah for me. I just felt so sad for a bit. It has passed now. There are too many things going on and too many hurt feelings to deal with. I'm still struggling with my uncle's death. It intensifies everything else happening around me. Money is also an issue. I am no longer making my own money. It is something for me to get used to, even after almost two years. I am fine though, I count my blessings. I have so much to be grateful for...so much that makes me happy.
I feel better now. Sometimes, I need to see it, to release it.
I'm good.

A day in the life...

...of a homeschooling family :)



Some days learning opportunities just fall into our laps.
On Friday, we decided to take a trip to our local zoo. We recently joined and thought it would be a nice outting on a not so hot day.

We arrived at the McNeil Avian Center which is a new habitat. It was wonderful. I learned, I mean...we learned about bird migration. Some birds don't migrate, some do. Some go farther than others. It was interesting. Our children were on the edge of their seats listening and watching this 14 minute video. There was so much information and it was told in a way to keep the younger children engaged. I loved it.

From there, we walked into the bird habitats. There was one called the African Savanna, another was called the Tropical Rainforest. All around us were birds of all sizes, shapes and colors. It was a bird lovers paradise. Check it out!



http://www.thehomeschoollounge.com/

On Homeschooling and Socialization

For the life of me, I need to know, why anytime I say I homeschool my children, people say "Make sure you let them go out and play with other children." They make it seem as if I am holding my children captive in a cell in the name of learning, as if we spend all day, everyday in our house. Do people not realize that homeschooling allows more opportunites for socialization?

Case in point, children who attend brick and mortar schools sit in a building from about 9 am - 3 pm. We may choose to do the same on a really cold day but otherwise, we can take a trip to a science or art museum, have a picnic in the park, visit our local zoo, have P.E. at the playground of our choice, etc. The list is endless.

It gets to be annoying at times. My children have more opportunities to socialize with children and adults since we've been homeschooling. We also have more time to visit family. They have a structured curriculum to follow but a flexible schedule makes anything possible. Taking a trip to the grocery store is a learning opportunity and a social experience. You never know who you'll meet.

This also gives us the opportunity to feel safe and know that our children are learning from people who love them and care about their progression. They have wonderful teachers and loving academic coaches :)

We all enjoy this experience. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Who you calling a n****??? (O.P.C.)

Other People's Children

It's funny, whenever I take my children places, especially to restaurants, I get the nicest compliments. "They are so well-behaved." "I didn't know they were there." Sweet, right?

I'm proud that my children know how to act in public. It saddens me that some other people's children don't. Don't get me wrong, I'm not speaking of normal, child-like behavior. Nor am I referring to infant and toddler behaviors. My children are 7, 9 and 12. I expect them to use table manners, appropriate language and inside voices when dining.

There are certain places I usually avoid eating in because they attract a "certain type" of crowd. I prefer to avoid trouble. I don't wish to fight and argue over petty stuff. It's not in my nature, beneath me, I'd say.

But in light of this recession, I took a particular buffet spot up on their e-club offer. I received a coupon for a free buffet for joining. They also have a kids eat for $1.99 deal after 4pm Monday though Saturdays but I digress.

We visited our closest location. As my husband and I were filling our plates, (the children beat us back to the table) a group of young boys, around 6 through 10 years of age), walk past our table and called my 12-year-old "The N Word." When we returned to the table, she was visibly upset. As she explained what happened, we thought of going over and speaking to the parents. I looked over and realized, there were no parents present. They were accompanied by what seemed to be an older sister who was encouraging the behavior. I decided there was no point in addressing this group of "children" as they were being asked to leave anyway.

Somedays, it really bothers me to encounter these types of people. I wonder about some of their parents. In my time working with children, I've found so many parents who are comfortable with these types of behaviors. They are also the first to say "my child was a good child."

I really just don't know.

When Doves Cry

"I'm fine."
I had the hardest time waking up Saturday morning. During the time I should have been dressing, I was dreaming. It's strange for me to remember a dream. Usually, they are not so vivid but this one was.

I was dreaming that I was at the family house, getting ready to leave for the funeral. Everyone piled into the car except me and my uncle's youngest son. We said we would walk around to the church. After the car pulled off, we heard a noise in my uncle's room. Mind you this is ten minutes before the funeral was to begin. When we went to check on the noise, my uncle was sitting there looking at us.

I say to him "Everyone is at your funeral, waiting for you. It starts in ten minutes. What are you doing here?" He says, "I'm fine." We continue explaining, thinking he didn't understand. Again, he says, "I'm fine. I'm going back to sleep now."

I can LOL at it now but at the time I was thinking, you've been sleeping for a week. Get up!
I reluctantly told my mom about my dream after the funeral and repast. She says, "he's fine. What don't you understand? He came to you to let you know, he is fine."

I still didn't understand. She did not get through to me at all. I still wasn't ready to understand.
So, I explained it all to my husband and he said the same thing. "He's fine. He knew you needed to know."

I understand now.

As the dream went on, I walked down the stairs to head to the church and let everyone know he was fine. There were two women awaiting me. They were asking if I was okay. I explained to them how he had just awakened. The one woman said "I'm so glad to hear." The other just smiled. I finally gained my good senses and recognized the first women to be my good friend Kyra. I also noticed that the two had their hands filled with bags and food. I asked, "Why did you come so far?" Kyra said, "Because we are friends." The other woman just smiled again. It took me longer to recognize her but I now realize she was my good friend Stephanie. I think they appeared because they both offered their love and guidance when I needed it most.

Today, I thank The Creator for that dream. It brought me so much peace. I really would have walked in there with an ugly attitude. There were two people I was hoping would not be there and one showed up. But I was better for it after that dream and after those reverends preached. Wooo! I could feel the spirit. I could feel the love in that room. My uncle was loved! I am a better person because he was in my life.

Better days

This past week has had it's ups and downs. My uncle's funeral was yesterday. That was the low of my week. I knew saying goodbye would be difficult but it was downright traumatic. His two sons were most upset. They were told by one doctor that my uncle was having a surgery that would make him all better. His two sons were really believing that. They needed to believe.

Tomorrow morn, my uncle will be transported to a veteran's memerial burial ground. I don't think I can go. I can't go through anymore of the heartache. I can mourn at home.

On the brighter side, outside of all the sadness and pain, it was great to spend so much time with my family. We really do pull together in times of madness. We need to get better at gathering for good times as well.

My little family and I had a great time in Ocean City on Tuesday and Thursday. It must have been obvious that I needed to get away. I'm hoping we can find time to go back before this summer is out. I'm hoping better days are ahead.

Falling apart at the seams

I thought knowing in advance would make the grief less difficult but I was so wrong.
My uncle passed yesterday morning in his sleep. I feel sad, of course. I feel anger and resentment. But, I also feel relieved, for him. The pain is now gone. So is he.
Life is crazy some days. I went to be with my family for support. So many memories rushed back. So many friends I haven't seen and lost contact with. So many people we went to school with, my cousins and I, just passing by, seeing the family out, stopped by. It was strange how it happened. It was lovely to catch up. It was somber to see them at "this" time but it was also good to have the support.
Thanks to my friends who have been holding me together. I love you more than you know!

May he be at peace, soaring with the moon and stars.
Love you always, Uncle Ed!

Ah, Beauty does exist

Tyler Perry Treats Philly Kids To Disney World

Philadelphia Kids Shunned By Swim Club Get Trip To Disney World Thanks To Actor Tyler Perry

(AP) Tyler Perry is paying for 65 children from a Philadelphia day camp to go to Walt Disney World after reading about allegations that a suburban swim club had shunned them because of racism.

The black and Hispanic children who attend the day camp run by Creative Steps Inc. cheered Monday when they learned about the actor's gift.

Creative Steps director Alethea Wright says she's thrilled about the offer, especially because Perry "comes from humble beginnings" like the children in her camp.

The Valley Club in Huntingdon Valley has maintained that refunding the camp's swimming fee was not about race but rather a safety issue, in part because many children couldn't swim.

Perry is best known for his signature character Madea, a big-hearted but foul-tempered grandmother.

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Information from: WPVI-TV, http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi

This, to me, was a beautiful gesture on behalf of Mr. Perry. It was very sad when those campers were turned away from a pool they paid to use for the summer because members of this particular swim club decided they would not allow their children to swim with these predominately minority campers. Truth be told, I was not in the least bit shocked, as these things seem rather normal to me due to being a witness to these behaviors in my own youth.
I felt sorry for the children though. In this time, they were thinking, as many would like, that this type of treatment was all behind us, a thing of the past.
Some things truly haven't changed. They've just become more discreet.
At least these children are enjoying a wonderful camp experience and this trip will definitely enhance it.
Philly thanks Tyler Perry for his kindness and compassion toward these 65 campers. Some people in this world truly are beautiful.

What's Up?

What have I been up to? Well, for all intentions and purposes, I got all dolled up for a night on the town with the man (DH), made our way to a nice club to hang out around 9 pm and nothing at all was going on. LOL. We thought we'd wait around an hour but still...nothing. So we headed back to get our little ladies. Truth be told, I was exhausted from lack of sleep the night before so it was fine with me.
It seems like we had so many free and outdoor activities planned for this week and all I see is rain! Ugh!
On another note, my uncle is home from the hospital. He is heavily medicated but very aware of who is coming and going. My family and I have been by to see him for the past two days.
I surprised my grandmom with some KFC cuz she loves their chicken like MJ did. I thought she deserved a smile. She does so much for everyone and now she has to take care of her son. It's gotta be crazy for a parent to see her child in this state and know she may outlive him. I think that's a parent's nightmare.
A beautiful thing I thought to share with my grandmom's neighbors was how much I appreciated growing up there, on that block. Unlike where we live now, I always felt as if everyone on the block was family. Everyone knew us and looked out for us. If I ever came home and for some strange reason no one was there, I could always go to a neighbor's house. We were all like a close-knit family. Whatever happened to those days? I really do miss that.

Oh, What a SUNDAE

Sundae Philly was amazing tonight. Lady Alma and Mark de Clive-Lowe were mashing it up for the crowd. The atmosphere was laid back. The people were eclectic. The performance was spectacular. The best part is the new location. Sundae was always a family friendly event but now at the Piazza, there are lots of shops and vendors so you can never get bored.
There were also hula hoopers, fire hoopers and a flame blower. B-Boys and B-girls come out every Sundae to rock out.
To learn more about Sundae events visit: http://sundaephiladelphia.com/
Oh, did I mention, it's free? Awesome!!!

I can't imagine my life w/o him

I guess I'll share this here as well.

I can't imagine my life w/o him
Current mood: disappointed

Some days I feel as if the world is crashing in on me. I have to wonder whose karma I inherited. Then, I realize, not everything is my fault.

I thought the world revolved around him. As a chilld, I followed him everywhere, good and bad. I knew all the best "weed" spots and the best places to sell candy for school fundraisers. He took me everywhere.

Now, I just don't know. I feel so helpless, as if all hope is lost.

It seems that he has been ill for quite some time. I learned of it a year ago but even then, I had no idea it was so serious.

Today, I called to to share with her the story of the fat cat trying to escape through the window. I was laughing, she was crying. She told me if he leaves the hospital this time, he has 3-4 months to live.

He was in the hospital since June 19th. He left because they were not treating him well. Switches to the place of his preference and here we are, mouring before he is even gone.

I had to think to myself, as much as this is a curse, it is also a blessing. Unlike MJ, we have the chance and opportunity to make the best of his last days here on earth with us.

It hurts like hell but it really makes me realize just how precious life is.
What good is life if all you do is live?
It's time to make some changes and celebrate life and all that we have, before it's gone.

Since I posted this days ago on myspace he has been read his last rites and is being sent home tomorrow to die. We will make him as comfortable as possible and help him enjoy his "last days".

Who am I?

I am called Poison but most know me as Ty.
I guess I'll begin by calling myself a wife and mother of three. I homeschool. I live. I love.
I have many interests, too many to list but I love hip hop, underground is my preference, old school dancehall, manga and anime, and so many other things.
I consider myself eclectic.
I am a pretty random person and I think my blog will be as well.
I guess we will see...