Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I thought I was the only one!

I found this on yahoo today and it got me really thinking...

[Today, Wizards All-Star forward Caron Butler(notes), now blogging for NBA.com as "Agent Zero 2.0," dives deeper into the caffeinated murk of his addiction to the "neon-yellow rocket fuel" known as Mountain Dew:

I lost 11 pounds this summer by giving up Mountain Dew. That's right Mountain Dew. A lot of people don't know I'm a Mountain Dew addict so I guess this is my confession.

To try and give this up was crazy for me! I was going through withdrawals. I was in the bed sweating. My wife would turn over in the bed and ask "Are you OK?" Honestly, those first two weeks without The Dew [were] the roughest two weeks of my life. I'm talking headaches, sweats and everything. Before that I drank at least six 12-ounce Mountain Dews a day.

It was so bad at one point that I had to have a cold one right there at the night stand before I went to bed. I had to get the coasters and let it drip a lil' bit and just have it waiting on me. Come 2 a.m., I'd wake up out of my sleep, I'd pop one open and hear the fizz sound ... and just down it! Then I always had to have another one in the morning when I woke up. Before practice I had one too and before games I would knock back two.]

That being said, I recently asked my husband to help me ween myself from Mountain Dew. I noticed the extra "weight" it has added to my middle but also the sluggish feeling I get when there are no more.

I admit, it is my own fault. They had these new flavors and I just HAD to try them. At 3 for $.99 how could I resist? So, I spent the end of my summer and early fall, beckoning for anyone who would to pick me up those Mountain Dew sodas.

*SMH* As I look back, I feel horrible about it because I stopped drinking sodas long ago for this reason. I allowed the new flavors and the excellent price to entice me.

I am currently dealing with the withdrawal pangs but I know I need to get this monkey off my back.

Wish me luck!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Thinking back

...on time I can't rewind. I was thinking of my father. He passed some years back. It's a funny thing though, people tend to be misconceived about us. Someone recently said to me that I suffered as a child because I didn't have a father. That pissed me off for about a minute, and then I laughed.

My father and I were not close when I was young. It wasn't as though he lived far away either. He had a drug issue and chose not to allow me to see him that way. I used to resent him for that. I enjoyed the times we did spend together but honestly, I never lacked a father. My grandfather and uncle were always around and always available.

I grew up in an extended family home. I like to believe that is the reason we are such a close family today. There was never feelings of loneliness or lacking male role models. I had all of that at my disposal.

Back to my father though. Contrary to popular belief, my father and I were very close in my teenage years. I would run into him (on purpose) because I needed to understand him. I was not a dumb kid. I realized what was going on in his life and how he wanted to keep me safe. Never did I feel he was ashamed of me.

At some points, we would talk on the phone weekly. He would fuss at me about not calling him. His lady friend didn't wish us to be as close as we were. I found that sad and desperate on her behalf. It never stopped us though.

He became ill after I had my third child. He didn't want me to know, didn't want me to visit the hospital when the end was near.

When I attended his funeral, all heads turned. People snickered and pointed, many relatives. They had no idea who I was. I approached the family, leaned in and kissed my grandmother and aunt. They were so happy to see me.

I am sad to say he never met my youngest two children. He had been too ill for us to visit for far too long. But he had plenty of pictures.

He and I were close in our own way. No one else needed to understand. I loved him and he loved me.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


There are so many things I wanted to discuss here in the past few days but I just can't keep it all straight. As soon as I can compose my thoughts, I will get what I don't mind sharing down.
A few topics have nothing or very little to do with me and at least one ca be made into my issue. There is just too much going on at the moment.
I thought about naming a blog Toxic Parents but think I will offend more than a few. I'll get there though. This topic is very close to my heart. I just need to find a delicate balance as I do not wish to step on anyone or someone in particular's toes.
It will all come together or it will implode.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Open Letter

I hate to leave things on bad terms with people but sometimes....
I'm still learning to put "ME" first. I'm still learning that other people's feelings have to be put on the backburner when they put mine there. Some things need to be left in the past. Currently, I live for the present. But, if the present and the past tend to collide on ugly terms...it's time to make some things clear.

Anyway, I can understand if my friendship is not wanted. No problem. Let me know.
To me, that is the adult way of handling things. Let's not pretend to be back in high school playing childish games. I don't need anyone in my life who dooes not wish to be there. You have my permission to go, and quickly.
Thank you

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Again, Again

I am starting over (again) I have been recast from my role. I was born to play this part but it seems that I am now having to audition for a new one. I am hesitant. I really don't want to do this. I know I must. Some roles need to change, some need to come to a close.

My character is being assassinated. I am searching for a new part to play. Hopefully, my skills and patience will allow me to land the role of a lifetime.
I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Making changes

As I have been doing for so long. I still feel I have not reached my destination, my goal. I know not where exactly I need to be but I "feel" I'll know it when I get there. All this travelling has made me tired and weak at times. I must prosper or I fear I will never arrive.

I know not where I am headed but I keep moving. I know I'll get there. It is what I want and need with every fiber of my being. From all this changing will arise a butterfly? I'm not sure but I'll be glad to find out.